Pretty in the Face

Warning…..I’m super triggered at the moment, so this is going to be a bit of rage blogging.

I have to get this off my chest before I burst into tears (again).

In this horrible place and time we all find ourselves in – stuck inside due to smoke and pandemics, I have been trying to figure out how I can add some movement into my day, since walks are out at the moment. I have been interested in taking some dance lessons or some other fun movement, so I went to YouTube and searched the term “fat positive movement”.

What came up was nothing short of devastating.

There is a real, deep hatred of fat people out there. And it is overlooked by practically everybody.

Actual hate videos. I mean, why are people so preoccupied with someone else’s size?

It’s sickening. And just like that, I was discouraged from finding an exercise video.

People are under the impression that if you are not trying to lose weight or you aren’t already thin that you either don’t care about your health, or that your size is all your fault.

Really? You think it’s easy to sustain motivation with the entire system working against me? Do you know how hard of I have worked in my life trying to adhere to the “rules”. It’s not laziness, or lack of willpower or motivation, it’s exhaustion in trying to push the rock uphill, only to have it come crashing down on your face.

Did you know that exercise and recreational equipment have weight limits? EXERCISE EQUIPMENT! So anytime someone of size wants to purchase something for exercise or recreation, they have to wade through a shame mind field so intense, that it keeps a lot of larger bodied people from engaging and enjoying sports and rec activities. It’s too painful. It’s also inequitable – people over a certain weight can’t even buy a treadmill, because the the only ones that have larger weight capacities are too expensive for the average person to afford.

Even if a person manages to get through the shame of finding and then having to pay double for a piece of rec equipment, they then have to fight through the shame of using it in public.

Even running. The one thing where I could easily find a pair of shoes and just hit the road, I still had to wade through the shame and ridicule of passers by. I will never forget the day when I was on a training run for a marathon (A MARATHON) and I was on mile 14 of a 18 mile run, sweat dripping off the bill of my hat, I was stopped by someone and was asked if I wanted to lose weight, and that I should join their “fitness plan”.

That’s right. We can’t even be out enjoying ourselves running, hiking, or kayaking without some jackass commenting, staring, “cheering us on”, or in this case shaming a fully fit marathon runner into believe that she wasn’t doing enough and that she needed to “lose weight”.

The entire diet and fitness culture is counter to what they claim to be doing.

Ugh. Just can’t believe it sometimes. It is exhausting and terrifying and sad and disheartening. Being fat in this society is a lose/lose scenario.
If you’re thin, you better stay thin or else the worst possible outcome will occur – no, not death… fat.

This reminds me of the horrible fat shaming that happened last year when Nike came out with a plus line of fitness wear. The fat-shamers were up in arms saying that it glorified fat. All the articles that were written were titled “Nike’s latest controversial stance”. Controversial? To make clothing for 70% of the population. For people who want to wear fitness clothing to do fitness things? (eye roll)

This goes on all the time, it’s just not in the headlines everyday. And not that anyone “needs” to lose weight, but using diet culture’s reasoning for a minute, let me just say…

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK FAT PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT IF COMPANIES DON’T MAKE CLOTHING AND EQUIPMENT FOR FAT PEOPLE?!?!

Yes, I’m shouting. Yes, if felt good.
But I’m still pissed.